Three Steps to Intimacy

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Do Your Part

  Intimacy is the love link between two people, but it is also a good deal more. If you desire a passionate and loving long-term relationship, you must do your part in contributing to the artful balance required in achieving and maintaining an intimate relationship. Let’s look at the truth about intimacy and the three requirements you must meet to get it.

Think Of Intimacy as a Three-Legged Stool

 Intimacy is defined as a non-defended and reciprocal interaction about significant emotional events. If this academic definition sits a little heavy on your brain, let’s pull up a stool and examine each leg to better understand the foundations of intimacy. When perched on your stool, you need three sturdy legs to keep you from falling. If you find yourself with one loose or missing leg, you have to spend time and energy keeping your balance.

 Relationships are the same. To prevent yourself from wobbling around and ultimately falling on your butt, you must acquire and keep in good repair, the following three legs:

        1. No Defense Required, names the first leg of your stool. In close family, friendships or romantic relationships, individuals can talk about anything without feeling defensive. No topic is out of bounds. No protection is needed. When defensive shields are lowered, positive energies flow between the two. Raised shields block the energies, stifling any hope of intimacy.

 2. Give and ­Take­, the second leg of your stool, represents a reciprocal or shared communication where each person is a full and willing participant. One person shares a personal experience or thought with emotional meaning; the other does the same. Many times the intimate communications reflect meaningful experiences shared by the two.

Give and Take easily navigates the two-way street of intimacy. If you are the only one sharing, you could be going the wrong way on a one-way street.

   3. Express Feelings, the third leg of the stool, refers to talking about emotional experiences and conversations. In short, this means sharing feelings. Communicating about feelings – not just reporting, requesting, social chit-chatting or problem-solving – is essential to achieving intimacy. When you can communicate without defensiveness, both give and take, and are willing to express your true feelings, you have tapped into your relationship potential.       _________________________

For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B