Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 1 of 3

  topic: extramarital affairs __________________________________________

We are voyeurs to power, tracking the Petraeus scandal, searching for vicarious reflections of ourselves. Power, the aphrodisiac attracting women to alpha men, is a universal phenomenon currently being played out by larger than life women, Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley. We, bags of popped corn in hand, took front row seats to watch Kelley slash Broadwell’s sexual liaison with CIA director and four-star general David Petraeus, a power connection Broadwell was destined to pursue. Staying for the second act, we saw Kelly act out her own power issues by countless pages of “flirtatious” emails to and from General John Allen, the current Commander-In-Chief in Afghanistan and the nominee for the Supreme Commander of NATO. As the tragedy turns comedic, we watch and wonder:

How does aphrodisiac of power make women succumb to and even pursue men of power?

Why are many willing to risk the shame of public exposure?

Why would these women resort to email cat fights and squeal to the FBI to protect their positions?

Answers to these questions are found deep in the DNA of our ancient biology. In this post we’ll look at how most of us juggle lust and reason to either keep from or submit to an extramarital affair.

The Reckless Sperm and the Cautious Egg

The feminine root of this story of sex, power, risk, and exposure is simple unbridled sexuality. Social biology tells us that sexual behavior is chiefly biological, assuring continuation of the species. Men increase their chances of reproducing their genetic material by spreading their millions of sperm around to as many women as possible. Women, with only one egg a month to pledge to their fertility, apply caution in sharing their egg. While men may accuse them of holding out, they are merely acting out their biological imperative of waiting for a powerful man to fight off the lions and help care the egg. In contemporary times the power element is ladies’ choice: physical, intellectual, social, financial, or political, but the biological goal is the same—capture or surrender to a man of power.

This biological imperative of wide sperm distribution provokes and pesters the peckers of average men, but most, protecting their spouse and children, restraint their urges to wander in the path of Johnny Appleseed as he spread his seed across the land. Why is it that many men didn’t get the memo to avoid roving rendezvous? For men, the higher their own perception of power, the more risks they will take.

Women, however, are biologically predestined to exert caution in sharing their egg, as seen in statistics showing that fewer women than men have affairs. Most women follow this directive by pairing with a man more powerful than them for a primary relationship. While they find men with more power than their spouses sexually attractive, most take no risks in pursuing these men. If secure in her partner’s power being greater than her own, and if he is helping to raise the hypothetical egg, she is unlikely to wander.

In Part 2 of Why Women Pursue Powerful Men we’ll look at how the unique biology of powerful woman compels them to ignore the millions of miles of available penis, risking public shame and humiliation to pursue a four-star phallus.

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For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

WHY POWERFUL MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT

Topic: extramarital affairs and powerful men _____________________________________

Four-star general and former head of the CIA, David Petraeus, is the latest casualty in the ranks of powerful men who love and lose. Why are these men thirty percent more likely to risk all for a little extra nooky? Do their brains work differently than the average man? Are they more likely to get away with it? Do they really loose or, like Bill Clinton, do they rebound stronger than ever?

Research on power and sexuality shows us four major reasons why powerful men want more and also take more than the average guy. Petraeus and countless power men before him have what mere mortal men do not have—an overabundance of BAHL:         

 Brains are wired differently

Powerful men are more likely to be addicted to adrenalin rushes and will take increasing risks in both their professional and personal lives to maintain their adrenalin high. Research show us that specific areas of the brain light up when people feel powerful. A lit up brain combined with a power mindset commands an uncommon carnal curiosity. However, at times, a cigar is just a cigar and not a sex toy.

 Ample availability

Men of position and power tend to travel more frequently and for longer periods of time than most men. Lonely and looking, it takes no effort at all to pair with a woman willing to pass some passionate time together. Power, the absolute aphrodisiac for women, causes many to disregard risk of public disgrace as they fall at the feet or phallus of a powerful man.

 High confidence quotient

Radiating high levels of confidence from their successes, these men feel invulnerable. Their inflated degree of confidence causes them to believe they will never get caught. On the rare occasion of exposure, their ample abilities and resources serve to conceal their affairs from public scrutiny. Arnold Schwarzenegger confidently covered up his in-house domestic-with- benefits for more than 14 years. It remains to be seen how long Petraeus has hidden his long-standing association with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Only the FBI’s concern about her possible access to classified information brought the affair to the light of public opinion.

 Live in a bubble of collusion

Powerful men, like Petraeus, are surrounded by operatives dedicated to protecting the power person. Their collusion stems from their belief in their leader and their willingness to look the other way. Others collude and conspire to retain the benefits of the rewards and protections afforded by the inner circle. Whatever the reason, these folks are willing to challenge neither the thinking nor the behavior of their superior, leading to an unrealistic self-view of the power person.

Powerful men with their hot-wired brains and extreme self-confidence will always attract women who will take great risks to be with them. Due to the bubble of collusion they are rarely challenged or caught. David Petraeus will bounce back just like the powerful men before him. He committed no crime and has a great deal to offer the U.S. He will not be the Director of the CIA because of the possible security risks inherent in clandestine affairs, but mark my words; he’ll soon be in another power position.

In the next blog let’s look at why women are attracted to powerful men. Thanks for stopping by. I’d love for you to share your thoughts before you leave.
   

I invite you to sign up to follow my blog by email. You’ll receive notification when a new blog is posted. Just put your email address in the space for “follow by email.”

You may also like to read:

The Infidelity of General Petraeus by Gina Putt

Why Do Powerful Men Risk It All to Cheat? By Dr. Terri Orbuch

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For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Please put Q and A in the subject line.Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

HOW TO SPOT THE GOOD GUYS

 

TOPIC: DATING

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 DO YOU DATE MONKEYS OR ORANGUTANS?

When you can identify your men as either monkeys or orangutans, you will know who has keeper potential and who will use you up and kick you to the curb. I know it can be a jungle out there so see if this helps:

   
Monkeys
 When boy monkeys find their gal, they settle down into family groups that make up a compound of closely connected extended family members and friends. Most male monkeys are easy going and adjust well to the give and take of living with a partner. When these consistent and loyal fellows occasionally quarrel with their spouses, they are known to leave in a huff and tromp to the edge of the compound. There, they spit and curse with their buddies but soon return to their sweeties, wild flowers in hand. Monkeys want to be husbands. Orangutans

Orangutans are the “bad boys” of the jungle, swinging from tree to tree with their beautiful long red hair waving in the breeze and their gold chains sparkling in the sunshine. They entice the girl orangutans away from the compound to smoke cigarettes, drink scotch, gamble and have wild sex. If she expects to be the one and only, she finds herself left hanging alone on the vine. When she becomes pregnant and turns to him for support and protection, he throws his hands in the air and grins, “Not me baby!” Disappointed and abandoned, she returns to the compound to be cared for by the other female orangutans.

         
It Gets Trickier

The sorting seems easy, doesn’t it? But, it’s a little trickier than it appears. It’s easy to spot a monkey or orangutan, but:

1. Can you spot a monkey pretending to be an orangutan? Many single monkeys aim for the orangutan effect in order to appear more attractive. As they get comfortable in a dating relationship, they drop their cool façade and show themselves to be a warm, furry monkey. Don’t blow a chance of a great life with a real monkey just because he was trying to impress you.   

2. Can you spot an orangutan impersonating a monkey? This distinction is tricky and a faulty analysis is dangerous. If he tries to impress you with his monkey traits, he may be an orangutan. Real monkeys usually worry that they are boring and predictable so they would be the last to be bragging about their monkey traits.   

 If you want a real live monkey who values love and commitment, spend some time perfecting your monkey vs. orangutan detector. It is worth the effort.

If you like this article you may also like:

DATING ADVICE: Your Perfect Match – Totally Win at Love

Don’t Date Unless You Can Be Yourself – Totally Win at Love

Q and A with Dr. B: FINDING INTIMACY – Totally Win at Love

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For more on relationships, link to: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen
You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.
Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Do you appear needy?

topic: dating ____________________________________

Relationship Killer: Appearing Needy

 

  When I tell people that they are losing dates by appearing too needy, many are at a loss as to how needy is expressed. To them they are merely being honest about their interest and availability.

Whether you are male or female, the needy one, or you are dealing with one, being needy looks like the following:

  1. Stays out of the pool, shower, or car wash because he might miss her call.

2. Calls to ask if he forgot that he was going to call.

3. Checks her Facebook every 15 minutes to see if she changed her relationship status.

4. After two dates asks where this relationship is going.

5. Expects him to account for his time.

6. Texts him every 15 minutes.

7. Posts relationship wall photos to his Facebook page.

8. Drops by her apartment unannounced because he was “in the neighborhood.”

9. Jumps at last minute invitations for either a date or a booty call.

10. Shows up at places she frequents.

You may think you are only showing interest and availability, but being always available and expecting an early dating partner to be in constant contact with you makes you appear needy and desperate. Being  less available will let them know you have a life beyond waiting for them. Having a life is attractive, being needy is not.

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For more on relationships, link to: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen   You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

       Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Please put Q and A in the subject line.

Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments.

 Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Relationship Killers: Fanatic or Passionate?

topic:  relationship killers
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Q … I thought he was a match but he broke up with me saying I was a fanatic. I do fight for my causes with a passion… I  don’t just talk the talk, I walk the walk. Wouldn’t you think men would admire a woman who lives her life with enthusiasm?

                        Passionately Upset

A   Having interests and commitment to a cause is admirable and no doubt makes you an interesting person. Your cause may be political or social or pro vs. anti, but what’s important is how you present your views.

Activists serve a vital purpose in bringing about social or political change by bringing our attention to important issues. While some are activists, many others work within the system to bring about change.

 Maybe he was unable to appreciate your activist style. If so, let it go and move on to someone who appreciates you.

But, before you dismiss him to the barrel of rigid thinkers, consider the possibility that the problem could be you.

Some activists when caught up in the passion of their cause can trip on the slippery slope going from activism to fanaticism. Activism says, “Join me” while fanaticism says “Go away. No one cares as much as I do.”

At one time in your life fanaticism may have worked for you in relationships but over the age of 17, both fanaticism and whining are no longer sexually attractive. More on whining another time.

Being too passionate in expressing support for your causes is only one  of many relationship killers. I’ll address another one in the next post.
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For more on relationships, link to: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen
You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.


Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments. Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Intimacy by Appointment

Topic: intimacy
  _________________________________    

 Q Sex has dropped off—way off. We are both busy people with jobs and kids so I tried making time for us to be intimate. I thought Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday night would be good. My wife complained that I was forcing her to a time table. I think she’s upset. I was just trying to help. Is making an appointment for sex a bad thing? If so why?

Marking Time in New Mexico

 
A Sex and Intimacy are related but are not Identical Twins
  Scheduling sex produces problems because it suggests that sex should occur even if one or both does not, for any reason, want to participate. It’s not like a haircut or a colonoscopy where you follow through on your appointment even if you “don’t feel like it.”

However, scheduling time for intimacy, rather than for sex, promises to promote a closeness which can move sex from rare to frequent and from obligatory to passionate.
  In order to redeem yourself, you’ll need the following Intimacy Facts:

  1. Intimacy is emotional communication which may or may not include sex.

  2. Couples who are intimate can talk about anything without feeling defensive.

 3. Time and privacy allow intimacy to develop.

 4. Intimacy resides on a two-way street.  

  Schedule time for intimacy. You’ll be surprised at what comes up. Remember, not everything that comes up has to be used.  Make appointments for time and privacy to give intimacy a chance. When you learn to enjoy intimacy for its own sake, sex will naturally return.

    For more on creating intimacy read:

  Dr. B’s Relationship Checkup- Step 2 of 6 – 

 The Tools of Intimacy part 2 – Totally Win at Love

  Chapter one in   Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen
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Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments.
Link to my new book on Amazon:Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Pucker Up: Kissing Secrets Revealed

It’s a typical pet peeve of couples that kissing goes from frequent and full in the beginning of a relationship to seldom and skimpy as the relationship matures. In a WebMD feature article Jennifer Soong explains how to make your pucker up memorable:

 

“Put your whole body into the kiss,” says Marilyn Anderson, author of Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp. “Without words, your lips should say, ‘Baby, there’s more where that came from!’ There are ways to keep it fresh and new all the time.”

She suggests starting with gentle kisses on the neck, move up to the ear, then go to the lips. Take some small breaks and then come back to the lips. “Here’s my kissing tip: Put a hand on your kissing partner’s neck,” says Pamela Weiss, marketing director in Los Angeles. “It adds passion, like ‘I can’t get enough.’ And let’s be honest, that’s what makes for a great kiss.” Don’t get hung up on what a kiss might lead to. Enjoy it for its own sake. “A good kiss is deep and soulful and you should feel each other’s love through the kiss,” says Dan Landau, an engaged graduate student in Bridgewater, N.J. “A great kiss is an adventure in itself, not a stepping point to something else.”

Read more of Jennifer Soong’s article for WebMD   –by clicking here

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Dr. B

Erotic Cell Phoning: 4 Types

Q.  read your post on Sexual Multitasking and agree that eating BLTs during sex is really rude but what about phones? Don’t some people talk on the phones to make sex more exciting? My boyfriend and I like to talk to friends while having sex. The friends don’t know of course so it’s not a problem, is it? This is a pretty popular activity at our college. A.  The use of cell phones to enhance sexuality has indeed increased beyond the sex-call industry and brings with it a new set of problems. Here’s are four of the fastest increasing categories.

Exhibitionism via Phone

Talking to friends on the phone in order to increase sexual excitement is a form of exhibitionism. Like a couple having sex in the back yard, it has just enough risk to increase the excitement. Although your friends don’t know they are being used, they are. How would you feel if your parents were having sex while talking to you?

• Cell Phone Pornography

Another cell phone activity gaining popularity is secretly using a cell phone to take a photo of various body parts of the person with whom you are having sex and sending it friends. Some think this is okay because the person is not identified. Wake up folks! This is a crime. Just because a victim doesn’t know they have been victimized doesn’t mean it’s okay.

• Cell Phone as a Vibrator Substitute

Yet another use of cell phones to add to sexual excitement has to do with putting the phone on vibrate. If you are using your phone as a sex toy I wonder how you are cleaning it. I’ll bet you my chemistry lab kit that sex toys are safer, cleaner, and more effective than your cell. Considering how many people use their cell and iPhones while using the toilet, I’d even be careful of picking up a friend’s phone to make a call.

• Sending Nude Photos of Yourself to Your Current Lover Via Your Cell

Sending nude photos to a partner via cell phone is also illegal. It’s called pornography. If the photo is of an underage person, he or she can be charged with distributing child pornography and the receiver can be charged with receiving child porn. Think how many times we hear of a jilted lover posting intimate photos of their previous partner on the net. What feels privately erotic now can later turn to public humiliation.

In the next post we’ll look at the rude use of phones during sex, while eating and in the bathroom.

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Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
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To make a comment, just click on comments.

Link to my new book on Amazon:

Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

Hope to hear from you soon,

Dr. B

A Humorous Look at Male and Female Brains

topic: love chemistry
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The difference between Men’s and Women’s Brains is your link to the YouTube video entitled “The Tale of Two Brains” by Mark Gungor. This is the one where the comedian describes how the male’s brain is separated into little boxes that never ever touch, while all parts of the female the female brain are totally connected.
The video is brilliantly funny and gives us a humorous way to accept our differences. Take the 13 minutes to view the video. It’ll brighten your mood and make a difference in how you see your relationship. Pass it so everyone can benefit.
Of all the posts on my blog, this one on love match vs. chemistry match is one of the most popular although not nearly as humorous as the video: Relationship Advice: Chemistry vs Love
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Link to my new book on Amazon:Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

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Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
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Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

HOW TO AVOID SABOTAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Topic: dating advice
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For you, is the glass half full, half empty, or do you say, “Who in the hell drank my water?” A glass half full sends out positive energy, while a half empty glass sends no energy at all. “Who in the hell drank my water?” shoots out negative energy, repelling others from you as quickly as if they grabbed hold of a live electrical wire.

When you think about the fact that your brain waves exchange information with every human being within three feet of you, you understand the importance of sending out positive energy. Your brain persists in seeking a compatible match so you will not want to alter your instinctive process by sending out negative vibrations.
For more on this topic check out Chapter 13, “ SAY YES TO SUCCESS” in Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen In this chapter you will learn techniques to assure your energy stays positive and your communications attract positive folks. Try all the techniques and adopt, or adapt, the ones that work best for you.

______________________________________________________

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
Comments?
To make a comment, just click on comments.

Link to my new book on Amazon:

Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

Hope to hear from you soon,

Dr. B