THE HALO EFFECT: Causes Millions to Choose the Wrong Partner

From the minute Logan set eyes on Tom, his football player butt and piano keys smile drew her to him. Earlier thoughts of preferring a man who was attractive but also was thoughtful, valued family and education flew from her memory like runaway pages from a broken printer.

For you, what characteristics in a potential partner cause sparks to ignite and fan the feelings of attraction into a blaze that turns your self-awareness to ash? Although most of us have an idealized image of those special characteristics we desire in a partner, we many times fail to define the characteristics and give little thought to priorities.

Research tells us that characteristics important to both men and women are attractive build, mind of his or her own, sense of humor, of the same religion, and simple rather than sophisticated. How many of these characteristics are on your list, but escape from memory when a vivid characteristic or two leaps to the forefront?

We find more information when we break them down by sex:

Men’s Concept of the Ideal Woman:

Intelligent, good parent potential, can suffer in silence, even-tempered and calm, someone who needs you, athletic or active

Women’s Concept of the Ideal Man:

Ambitious, hard-working, intellectual, appreciates her independence, sensitive to her emotions, emotionally strong, likes art, music, books and is friendly and affectionate

Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who meets those criteria? Regrettably, these features are idealized and unrealistic. Most men want a gal who suffers in silence and needs him, while women want a man who appreciates her independence. How many independent women will agree to suffer in silence?

What to Expect from Your Halo

How can intelligent men and women forego long held values for butts and smiles? Here’s how it works. When we see a few of the traits we crave, we call into operation The Halo Effect. In the “halo effect” we find a few traits from our ideal list and then pretend the rest are present.

If he has a tight ass and a great smile, he surely is warm, intellectual and sensitive to my emotions.

If she needs me, she must be intelligent and also willing to suffer in silence.

When we finally realize our error, we react with anger and disappointment as we watch another potential relationship circle the drain. We leave the relationship and search again.

Three tips to help you in your next dating adventure:
1. Have a clear idea of which traits are essential.
2. Avoid the Halo Effect.
3. Be open to new positive traits that are unique to that person.

HOW TO SPOT THE GOOD GUYS

 

TOPIC: DATING

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 DO YOU DATE MONKEYS OR ORANGUTANS?

When you can identify your men as either monkeys or orangutans, you will know who has keeper potential and who will use you up and kick you to the curb. I know it can be a jungle out there so see if this helps:

   
Monkeys
 When boy monkeys find their gal, they settle down into family groups that make up a compound of closely connected extended family members and friends. Most male monkeys are easy going and adjust well to the give and take of living with a partner. When these consistent and loyal fellows occasionally quarrel with their spouses, they are known to leave in a huff and tromp to the edge of the compound. There, they spit and curse with their buddies but soon return to their sweeties, wild flowers in hand. Monkeys want to be husbands. Orangutans

Orangutans are the “bad boys” of the jungle, swinging from tree to tree with their beautiful long red hair waving in the breeze and their gold chains sparkling in the sunshine. They entice the girl orangutans away from the compound to smoke cigarettes, drink scotch, gamble and have wild sex. If she expects to be the one and only, she finds herself left hanging alone on the vine. When she becomes pregnant and turns to him for support and protection, he throws his hands in the air and grins, “Not me baby!” Disappointed and abandoned, she returns to the compound to be cared for by the other female orangutans.

         
It Gets Trickier

The sorting seems easy, doesn’t it? But, it’s a little trickier than it appears. It’s easy to spot a monkey or orangutan, but:

1. Can you spot a monkey pretending to be an orangutan? Many single monkeys aim for the orangutan effect in order to appear more attractive. As they get comfortable in a dating relationship, they drop their cool façade and show themselves to be a warm, furry monkey. Don’t blow a chance of a great life with a real monkey just because he was trying to impress you.   

2. Can you spot an orangutan impersonating a monkey? This distinction is tricky and a faulty analysis is dangerous. If he tries to impress you with his monkey traits, he may be an orangutan. Real monkeys usually worry that they are boring and predictable so they would be the last to be bragging about their monkey traits.   

 If you want a real live monkey who values love and commitment, spend some time perfecting your monkey vs. orangutan detector. It is worth the effort.

If you like this article you may also like:

DATING ADVICE: Your Perfect Match – Totally Win at Love

Don’t Date Unless You Can Be Yourself – Totally Win at Love

Q and A with Dr. B: FINDING INTIMACY – Totally Win at Love

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For more on relationships, link to: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen
You’ll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.
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Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B